On March 4 we lost an incredible part of our family. Cash and Colt's Grandpa Hawkins passed away at 4:20 a.m. at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center due to a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm. This was something that wasn't coming on, it just happened all of a sudden. I spent all week down at UVRMC with Jeff and had the boys with me which took a toll on me, but they did a lot better then expected. I was able to take one day and go down by myself (thanks mom) and everything in the waiting room who had been there all week had asked where the boys were cuz they loved having them there - probably because Cash is a ham and loves to show off and put on a show. Or pretty much flirt with the ladies! He loves the ladies!
It has been a very rough month and we were able to spend a week in Helper and have the funeral and everything. Jeff has inherited everything of his dad but he and I would trade it all back just to have Mike back. What an incredible man, that's all I have to say. He loved what he loved and most of all loved his grandson's. Jeff has his good days and his bad days, but most of all just misses his dad. I would be the same way if I were him. What makes me the most sad is that the boys will never grow up to know their grandpa. I had the same thing with me, as I never got to know my Grandpa Gressmen - just heard lots of stories and I always wished he was still around. Luckily the boys still have one grandpa around who can help fill that role, but it's still not the same as having two grandpa's. My heart hurts every day but it's getting better. I am just trying to be strong for Jeff.
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| Jeff's dad received a veteran's memorial |
On the flip side of things, the boys are growing up so freakin fast! Cash just turned 17 months old on the 27th and today Colt turns 5 months old.
Here are a few things about each boy:
Cash ~
- LOVES DANCING!!! He dances to any type of music, he doesn't care what it is, he will stop at the drop of a hat just to dance
- He loves food and would eat 24/7 if I let him. He also loves milk and drinks a ton of it!
- He just recently got over his second round of croup and he did very well with it. It just made me sad when he gets sick.
- He has been having night tremors so I have been able to comfort him and rock him back to sleep. This honestly is my favorite part of being a mom. I don't care what time it is, I will wake up just to get that cuddle time with my bug.
- He climbs - on everything!!! This child has no fear and when I say no fear, I mean it! The only thing he hasn't figure is how to jump off things.
- He has learned to climb out of his crib. Because of this, I'm going to keep watching him closely and determine if I want to put him in a big boy bed or not.
- Anytime he sees a ball he starts screaming "ball ball ball ball". He is becoming quite the thrower too! He also has learned to go "hut hut"... haha
My little chunka munka!
- Colt has got quite the lungs on him! He loves to cry and cry loud. Things have gotten better though since we found out he has had an ear infection and ever since being on antibiotics, he has been such a happy boy!
- Colt just cut his first tooth a few days ago. He actually was born with a milk tooth (it looks like a blister in his mouth) and for awhile I could see white in there but then it disappeared. I then noticed a little blood in his mouth and saw that a tooth had finally cut through.
- He is weighing over 15 pounds! This boy is my chunk. I love that he is growing so much and he is already wearing 6-9 month closes and some 12 month clothes. I have decided that baby sizes are just random!
- He is almost turning over. I can get him to go from his belly to his back once-in-awhile but he is still struggling from his back to his belly. I'm also just getting him to enjoy laying on his belly. He doesn't find it fun. I am not a belly person either.
- What a talker! Once we got his ear infection taken care of, Colt has decided to tell us things - many things and always has something to say! I think he talks more than me sometimes.
I think the worst thing I am the most frustrated over is losing the baby weight. It's hard for me to get to the gym because of the schedules both Jeff and I are on right now and the fact that the world flipped on us this month, but I just wish it would go away. I know I know, I just had a baby 5 months ago, but you don't get it. I got big when I got home from college and it took me 5 years to lose over 60 pounds. I need to lose about 50 right now and I don't want it to take me that long. I don't want to be labeled as one of those women who have kids and stays fat - especially since I am a stay-at-home mom. I have major body issues because of my past and it's hard for me too look at myself sometimes. I just feel ugly. I just want to be the MILF that people look at and are like, "wow she has two kids and looks f'in awesome!" Hopefully one day that will happen. But truthfully it's hard to want to get dressed because nothing looks good on me. Okay, I'm done pity partying on myself...
Anyways, I'm glad this month is almost over. I'm ready for April to begin, as we have Jeff's 33rd birthday and our 5th year anniversary (since we started dating). I can't believe I have been with Jeff for five years. I can tell you we have had are ups and our downs, but mostly ups. I am so EXTREMELY grateful he came into my life and always will be grateful - he is my best friend and I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world!
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