Surgery...

Well after going and seeing the specialist at the University of Utah for the past month I have finally gone and had my surgery to repair my uterus. Dr. Amad Hammoud at the Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine diagnosed that I had Asherman's Disease and gave me the option to either just have a hysterectomy or to have them go in and clean out the scarring that was taking place in my uterus. I chose the second option because frankly being a woman I'm not ready to part with my uterus just yet. I went in for my pre-op last week and on Monday I ended up going up the Unveristy Hospital and having the surgery done. I had to have a laproscopy and the fancy name for the cleaning of the uterus done. All I know is that it starts with an H and ends with a Y haha...

I can tell you that when we arrived up at the U I felt instant calm. For the first time in my life I was not nervous to be at a hospital or nervous to be getting surgery done. I think I was just ready. From the get go everything was so professional up there and everyone was so nice. We got checked in and went up to the surgery area and was immediately taken to my room. I got changed and everyone who was going to be a part of my surgery came and introduced themselves. Jeff and I were so impressed with the hospital that it made me want to have everything done there. It makes Castleivew (Casketview) in Price look like a grade "F" hospital and the way I was treated there can't even be compared to how I was treated at the U. By far the care I received at the U was far and beyond anything either Jeff or I expected. They were on time. They explained everything. They didn't lie to me. They did everything they said.

I had a hard time trying to wake up out of this anesthesia this time around because they had to keep me under for longer. I was so tired. When I woke up the nurse said they took my uterus out and I was like "um they weren't supposed too" and then she wouldn't let me pee. I kept telling her I had to pee and she argued with me until another nurse came and grabbed me and actually let me go pee. (TMI I know). That's when I got to see the damage. I have a balloon that is holding my uterine walls open and the string from the balloon is not so nicely resting between my legs. It's uncomfortable and I get to have it taken out next week. It's being used as a drain which is nice but it just sucks. I also have marks all over my belly from the cameras they used to watch my uterus to make sure they didn't poke through. My belly is swollen from this but thank goodness for pain meds. I'm still healing but it hasn't been too bad. I have just been so tired.

My belly 3 days after surgery. Still a little swollen but you can see the marks.

My mom came up to watch the boys for us while I had my surgery and it was nice to have her here. I was sad when she had to go home.

Jeff told me that Dr. Hammoud had mentioned to him that 90% of my uterus was nothing but scar tissue but they were able to get it taken care of. We will get a better look at it next week when I go in to get the balloon out so hopefully with the medication I am on the walls don't scar back together. If they do I have to make the decision to go through the surgery again or have my uterus completely taken out.

I am sidelined from my working out hard like I have been doing for the past 6 weeks but at least I'll still be able to do a little. Jeff and I are on this transformation kick right now - where he is bulking up and I'm dropping weight. I've been able to drop 11.5 pounds so far and I still have about 60 to go until I hit my ultimate goal weight. I can't wait to get the go ahead to start being back in the gym. Right now I'm sidelined to just walking on the treadmill at home or going for walks around our neighborhood. Guess beggers can't be choosers haha I'll get back in the gym sooner or later.

Anyways - that's what is going on. I still need to post about Cash's first day of school and he closed out his soccer season last weekend. So when I get a chance I will download the pics and get them posted. Stay tuned for those posts. :D

Random pics of lately....

Here are a few pictures of lately... Mainly it has revolved around Cash's soccer games. Other times we are either running errands or it's too hot to do anything! hahaha

Oh to be a kid again!!! Colt looks more and more like his dad everyday!!

My little athlete!!!

Goal!!! As Cash would say (even though he was just practicing)

Mmmm Watermelon! Cash likes halftime the best haha

I love this dog! I'm so glad he is part of our family. He is the largest sweetest body pillow/snuggler you will ever find!

My feisty little princess! If she could wear a tiara she would!

Seriously can't get enough of this cute face!

Melt my heart! The boys love their dad!

A normal pic! haha If I can get good smiles then I'm doing good!

A little action!

Really Cash?!! At least he is good for entertainment!

I'll just sit here in the net and tell you we are number one! hahahaha

This is normal!

Watching the action! He will get to play in the spring!

Me and my little Foosch! Love this kid - even when he doesn't shut up or likes to scream and cry over EVERYTHING!

Yes my child loves attention - he is the one being carried!

Clouds over Bountiful! I love clouds lately. They bring me peace!

My sweathearts!

Plug for me! haha

Okay so I became a Jamberry Nails Independent Consultant last December but haven't been able to do much with it. I'm now trying to start back up again because the new stuff they have out is really awesome! I am in love with the Collegiate Nail Wraps and I think you should be too!!! You can now also design your own nail wraps to fit any occasion!!!

You can click on the link to my website: http://hawkinsjamnails.jamberrynails.net and it will take you straight to the page where you can order. I currently have an online party open and when you check out choose "Courtney's Fresh Start Party". That way I know you ordered! :D If you have any questions let me know!

Here are some of the fun wraps they have right now for Utah - BYU and UTAH STATE!

ORDER TODAY TO SHOW YOUR SCHOOL SPIRIT!

GO UTES!!

Miss Me?

Okay so you probably didn't miss me but I do have to apologize for taking forever to get back on here. We have been back and forth all summer long trying to get things ready to sell our house in Helper.

We moved back up north to West Bountiful at the beginning of June - had our 4 year anniversary (which Jeff had to work :() and then we got notice that our house was selling. We put it on the market at the end of April and bam someone wanted to buy it. Jeff and I spent his entire vacation in June getting the house ready to sell (and with no kids around) and a week later the lady chickened out and said no. Luck was on our side though and Steve G. who owns Workman's and the field next to us really wanted the house and gave us everything we asked - which was so nice! So on July 29th the house was no longer ours and it was signed and closed. We were shocked it sold so fast and a little sad but we are so happy that a new chapter has started in our lives.

I have gone back to working out - thanks to Jeff's work who pays for our recreation passes and it has been so nice! I have been able to take the boys to the day care center at the gym and they play while I get my butt in gear. Jeff has been working non-stop since we have been back up but it is so nice to be able to spend time with him EVERY NIGHT!!!! I hated being separated from him but now that is no longer a problem!

We are currently renting a house through Jeff's work and it's like 2 minutes away from his work so that has been nice. It's been super nice to be up around everything again and I'm coming to love Bountiful. I have always been up here because of family but now that I live here it's a different story. It's really pretty here. Jeff and I are probably going to move a little more north in a few years (unless a house comes open close to here) but we plan on buying and staying put for awhile. It's been a nice change to be up here!

As for my health. I have been having some tests done and it took an HSG x-ray test to determine what was going on with me. Since I had that emergency D&C in March I haven't had a period and have been in a lot A LOT of pain! I finally scheduled an appointment and in July I had an ultrasound done. They didn't find a lot of things but did find a small pocket of fluid in my uterus. Fast forward a few weeks and I had the x-ray test done. Come to find out my uterus is extremely abnormal and there is a lot of scar tissue. Because my doctor didn't feel comfortable with my situation she has sent me to a specialist (Dr. Amad Hammoud) down at the Endocrinology and Fertility Clinic at the UofU. He is awesome!!! I'm talking really awesome! He took his time explaining my x-rays to me and gave me my options. Basically my uterus has fused itself together with scar tissue and my periods are being blocked (which is why I had fluid). The blood has no way to escape because of the scar tissue. This was such a relief to hear because I literally have been sick and not feeling normal since my last surgery and it has NOT been fun. Plus I had to move while feeling horrible which didn't help. But because I was soooo sick when I had the last surgery I had no way of escaping the scar tissue. It also didn't help that the doctor who did the surgery scrapped every bit of uterine lining I had and it didn't grow back.

So now my options... well I can either just have a hysterectomy or surgery. I'm going in for a sonohystogram next week to find out what is going to happen. If they can't remove the scar tissue from my uterus then I have to just take everything out. Basically that will be a last resort. If they can go through and cut out all the scar tissue then I will go that route and save my uterus. I did find out (and this was hard to hear) that I probably will never conceive a child naturally if we were to try again. Because of the scaring and such my tubes are probably blocked at the beginning even though they look fine. He said that I would probably have to conceive through IVF and if we did get pregnant then I would have a really high risk pregnancy. So basically I probably won't be having kids anymore which makes me so sad. I really wanted to try for one more - but I have to be happy that I have the two that I do. They keep me on my toes enough!!

As for the boys. CASH STARTS PRESCHOOL NEXT WEEK! I think I'm going to cry! He has been playing soccer and is loving it so much. He is such a busy body that this is perfect for him. He is super excited to start school and is patiently waiting and is excited about his new spiderman backpack. Colt is probably looking forward to the one-on-one time with Jeff and I because we are holding him one more year. It's so weird to think that I have a preschooler. Time is flying by way too fast for my liking but it's awesome. It's nice to look forward and not look back. I just wish time would slow down a little though because I am so not wanting these boys to grow up - even if it is a little more fun to have them independent. :D

Seven Years and Still Going Strong!

A cute picture of us when we started dating!

On April 22 Jeff and I celebrated what I would call a milestone in my book. Some might say it's a cursed year (the seven year itch) but I am going to look at it as one of the most positive years we are going to have! Jeff and I have officially been together for 7 years! Yes 7 years! I know there are those of you who have been together for a lot longer but I feel like I have known Jeff for a gazillion years. So it seems like forever to me.

Seven years ago an email on MySpace changed my life. I saw this guy I had a small crush on in high school (and known since Jr. High) on a mutual friends page so I thought I would email him to say hi and see if he remembered me. Imagine my shock when he emailed me back and said he did remember me and asked how I was doing. We talked over email for two straight weeks (with one phone call in between) and decided to meet up for drinks. On the day I was supposed to meet him our internet crashed and since he didn't have a phone I had no way of getting ahold of him. I finally got things fixed and he had already gone to dinner with friends but then asked if I would still like to get a drink. I was like "for sure". (Especially since I had used all day to get ready hahahaha).

An hour later I was walking up to this gorgeous guy with a great smile waiting for me outside the Fort Union Iggy's. My heart stopped. I was like "huh oh!" I knew I was in trouble. We sat at the bar for almost 3 hours just catching up and talking and having a good time. Then after that night we were inseperable. We hung out more and more each week and it got to the point where I couldn't not be around him. I had to be with him and 7 months after dating we decided to make it permanent and move in together. By December that year we were living together.

We have had our ups and down (like most couples) but for the most part things have been awesome. I know God put Jeff in my life for a reason and even though our signs are COMPLETE OPPOSITES (he is an Aires and I'm a Virgo) we balance each other out. Only thing that gets in our way is our stubborness. Each of us always has to have the last word so we tend to just shut up for a couple hours and move on.

I remember the first time Jeff my parents - I took him camping and stranded him on a mountain for two days. I can tell you that after that he had passed my test. Even when our dog Sam chewed up his security blanket (a football) haha.

Since then Jeff and I have lived in Heber - Sandy and now Helper/Bountiful. We are about to move to Woods Cross so we can add that to our list.

In September 2008 he proposed to me. In March 2009 I found out I was pregnant. June 2009 we were married. October 2009 we had a beautiful baby boy. March 2010 we found out we were pregnant again and in October 2010 we had another beautiful baby boy. These are just some of the milestones we have had in the past 7 years.

I'm so looking forward to what God has in store for us in the future. We have had some trials lately but we have come out of those with smiles (and frowns) on our faces and we are moving forward. I thank God everyday he put this wonderful man into my life and I will thank him everyday until I die for giving me the life I have. I couldn't be happier!

Here are a few pictures from over the years... You don't have to look at them because there are going to be quite a few but I had to share!!

Our first baby - Harley Ann

Our second baby - Raider

Stitches and Easter...

I know I have posted lately mainly about me but things have happened along side my stuff going on so I thought I would do a quick post about it.

The day after I actually had my miscarriage Colt went to grab one of my kitchen utensils and it was a pair of silver tongs that close. Well I went to grab it from him and didn't know his finger was stuck in the little hole and when I grabbed it from him it ended up slicing his finger open. Now Colt is the type of little boy that nothing happens too. He cries from getting picked on by his brother but nothing seems to happen to him until now.

When we decided that his finger wasn't enough to glue back together I decided to drive around looking for a clinic because the best pediatrician in town said "sorry we can't see him". What kids doctor turns down seeing a 2 year-old? Needless to say my doctor in SLC would have met us at his office in 2 seconds. Me not being a happy mom I looked for a clinic and this god damn town does not have a clinic. What town doesn't have an after hours clinic??!!!

So I called Jeff and let him know what was going on and we went to the ER because I wasn't about to have my little boy crying forever. We arrived at the Carbon County ER right before 6:00 p.m. we left at 9:00 p.m.!!! We waited forever! I complained the nurse when she came and got us and took us in to a side room that Colt is only 2 and he won't be patient long. She got us back to a bed pretty quick but then the wait started.

I had a couple people come by to see us and they kept saying "the doc will be right here you are next". Then I watched two people who came in after us be treated and leave. Finally I stopped someone and asked them what the hell was going on and they didn't now how to react. All they could say was sorry and asked if I needed anything and I looked her straight in the eye and said "Yes you can actually - I need a fucking doctor". After 10 minutes later the ER doc came by and introduced himself and ended up numbing Colt's finger. Then he proceeded to leave for another half hour and then I got even madder. I ended up complaining yet again that we have been waiting FOREVER and Colt was not wanting to sit in the bed. He sat in my lap and cried. He finally came and ended up having numb his finger all over again and put shots inside the cut. After 5 stitches and a quick cleanup and a 3 hour wait we were able to leave. Colt thanked everyone when we left and he was so happy to be leaving but his finger was hurting him so I had to get him home. I got a prescription for pain meds but the Tylenol I had at home was enough to make Colt happy so I just gave him that. He is such a strong boy.

A couple days ago we went and got his stitches out and he is a happy camper! He is such a trooper and I am so happy that this doesn't happen often. I don't know what I would do with two accident prone kids! haha

On a quick note. Jeff - I and the boys will be moving to Woods Cross in May. Our house is up for sale and we are going to rent a house until we can buy one. We are so excited to be under the same roof together full time again! Words can't express how relieved I feel right now. I feel like our family is going to be getting their life back together.

Easter...

We didn't do much for Easter this year because we are sooooo low on funds but we made it fun anyways. We ended up dying eggs and the boys got their annual candy! haha We have a tradition now where we watch "Hop" and eat breakfast and the boys loved it!

Here are a couple of fun pics. :D

DYING EGGS!

THEIR FINAL PRODUCT! 

COLT DECIDED TO TRY THE BLUE DYE!

It's Finally Over....

Well after a month of off and on bleeding it has come to a stop. My miscarriage is finally over thanks to another D&C. I ended up actually delivering the fetus on March 7(it never came out on Feb. 11 when I went the ER) and went through contractions and everything. My water broke and I ended up catching the fetus in my hand. Needless to say it was a little traumatizing. I went to my doctor and said to contact him in a week. Well a week went by and I was still bleeding and started running fevers and getting chills. I had an infection. My miscarriage turned septic. Something that only happens to 5% of women.

My doctor informed me he wanted to get me in the hospital right away but I still had to get my boys taken care of. I met my brother in the canyon and he ended up coming back to Helper with me to watch the boys. Jeff was able to leave work yet again and came home as fast as we could and we went to the hospital to be admitted.

After several visits with my doctor and the doctor who was going to do my surgery I finally got started on my antibiotics. I had to go through 4 doses!! Jeff and I waited for what seemed like an eternity to get my surgery done - but because I was an add on they had us wait - forever!!! Jeff wasn't too happy and I was ready to walk out of the hospital but we had to get it done. Finally after waiting all night and day we were able to go in and get the procedure. It was nice to have an drug doc that I knew - it was a friend from high school (weird! haha) but we had a good laugh before I went under. I guess during the procedure they pulled out a lot more than what they expected to be left in me and I lost a lot more blood. Let me tell you - losing a lot of blood over a month is not fun. I'm  on a twice day regimen of iron and antibiotics for the next two weeks to get me back to normal again.

But I can finally say - everything is over and done with and I'm going to be back to normal now.

As for having another baby. Right now we are on the "NO" train. I don't want to have to go through what I just went through again and right now I have to take my health into consideration. My health is a little more important. We might change our minds down the road but right now I'm fine with my two little boys. I've been blessed and I can live with that.

If we change our minds down the road then we do but I think after we get moved and settled in our new place in May we can reevaluate. I'm just happy to finally have my body back - well sort of. I still have a lot of blood to rebuild! haha :D

Here's to a new chapter and getting healthy once again!