Lizard Birth - Worth Reading!

THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER READ!

'Lizard Birth'

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out

LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?' 

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!' 

'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having

babies.'

'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!'

I was equally outraged.

'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)

'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed. 

'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth..'

'Oh, gross!' they shrieked

'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. 

'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.

'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.

'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.

'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.

'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged. 

'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.). 

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.

'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not in labor.. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed, glancing at my wife..

We were silent, absorbing this.

'So, Ernie's just . just . .. . excited,' my wife offered.

'Exactly! ! the vet replied , relieved that we understood. 

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness...

Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. . . teeny little . . ' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me.

'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:  Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

Lizards lay eggs!

Halfway Belly Shot

So my belly is getting bigger a lot faster this time around! I have decided to post a belly pic of me at 20 weeks. The doc said I'm measuring bigger than I should be right now, but that's because it's my second child. I told Jeff we'll probably end up having a lineman with this child... haha 

It's a BOY!!!

So Jeff and I are having another boy! We are over the moon excited about this. We were both thinking it will probably be a girl but when the ultrasound tech put the wand on my belly it popped up and he was ALL BOY! haha I can't believe I'm going to have two little boys running around. What's funny is the fact that out of all the Gressmen cousins and siblings there are 6 girls and 11 boys! The Gressmen girls are all having boys while the Gressmen boys are having girls! haha It's just funny how that has happened.

But I thought I'd show you some pictures, so here you go! These are pictures of Colt (we don't have a middle name yet) Hawkins....

First Anniversary

Well we made it! Jeff and I had our first anniversary yesterday and we can't believe that the last year went by so fast. Even though we have been together for four years, it doesn't seem like we have been married for only one year. I can't believe I was able to meet someone like Jeff and I am truely blessed. I wake up every day and think how grateful I am to have the man that I consider my best friend by my side.

Who would have thought that during the past year we would have a beautiful little boy and a "don't know yet" on the way. We went from having two dogs to having two dogs, a son and a baby on the way. Talk about instant family!

Everyone asked me after I got married if it felt different to be married. The only thing that felt different to me was the fact that I had a new last name. I'm still getting used to being called Hawkins and it's been hard not to use Gressmen, but I love being Courtney Hawkins and it just gives me a new me!

In the next year, I would like the following things to happen:

• 1. Have a beautiful healthy baby!
• 2. Watch Cash continue to discover new things every day and remain a healthy happy baby.
• 3. Have our financial situation get a little better.
• 4. For Jeff and I to continue to love each other more and more each day.

I can tell you one thing - I am a very lucky lady! I've learned a lot from Jeff and I'm sure he's learned a lot from me. Together we make a perfect pair (at least in my mind! haha).

Jeff I love you so much and I hope you know that as long as your by my side I'm going to love you more and more each day!
Here's to many more anniversary's!

First Mother's Day...

Well, yesterday was my first official mother's day. Even though Jeff and I kinda counted last year because I was pregnant, this was definitely my first real mother's day.

I have to say that I was a little emotional yesterday even though I didn't show it. I cried on Saturday when my husband and son had flowers from ProFlowers delivered because I had not been expecting that at all. I was completely surprised. I had been getting ready to go to the 3A State Soccer game and Jeff looked at me and said, "you're not going yet are you?" I was like, "in about 10 minutes I am ya." Well not five minutes later there was a knock at the door and my flowers had been delivered. Needless to say I was so excited!!

The reason I was emotional yesterday was not due to the fact that I have hormones raging from my current pregnancy but from the fact that I have child(ren) at all. For the longest time I didn't think I could have kids because of all the random pains I went through. I went to five different doctors and not one of them could tell me what was wrong with me. I gave up on the hope of ever becoming a mom and focused my energy on myself and losing the little weight I had put on.

Well two months to the day after I started my weight loss journey I pee'd on a little stick that would forever change my life!

I was pregnant!

Now for those of you who know me "well" know that the first thing I did was cry! How can I not, I could not believe this was happening. Everyone around me was getting everything they wanted - marriage, families, etc... I had a great life, but I always felt like something was missing for Jeff and I (besides money ha ha).

After finding out ourselves we told our parents and everyone was just so excited. They were finally getting a grandchild from Jeff and I. On July 1 we found out that it was a little boy and on October 27 at 4:45 p.m. after 32 hours of labor (and him being a month early!!!) we had our miracle! To this day I still get choked up thinking about that week we were in the hospital. How did this happen? I didn't think it ever would and it did.

So yesterday as I was watching my little man blow bubbles with his mouth (hthe new thing he's discovered) I couldn't help but be overly joyed. Also, I realized that next year will be even better because I will have two babies to play with.

I also have to thank my husband for making me have such a good day. He would not let me do one bit of housework and cooked me two great meals! I got the pick of the litter with Jeff because he makes a lot men look bad (yes he cooks and cleans when I don't have to ask him too and he gives me rubs even when he doesn't want to). He's always so supportive of me and is my rock when I am in the dumps. I love him so much and tell him every day how sexy he is (because he really is) and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. He's such a great dad to Cash and those two - they crack me up when they are together. I can't forget my two wonderful dogs - Harley Ann and Raider - they are joys of my life and are always making me laugh as well.

So yes, yesterday I was a little emotional, but I feel like I have a good reason to be. I'm so grateful for those who are in my life. Cash is such a blessing and I know our new one will be as well.

So with that said, I had a great Mother's Day yesterday - hope you did too!

Half Way There...

So I posted the other day that Cash has turned six months old. Well, I wanted to post a couple pictures to show how far he has come. We surely didn't expect him to be a month early and when he came, we were truly blessed. To this day I thank God for giving me this little man because I honestly didn't think that I could have kids. Now I have one that is a feisty six month old and another one on the way. I feel blessed and even though other parts of our lives aren't going the way we want them too, Jeff and I are truly greatful for Cash, or as we like to call him, "The Woo".

So I would like to say: Happy Half Birthday to my Little Man!!

CASH AT TWO DAYS OLD!

CASH AT SIX MONTHS OLD!!

My Spaghetti Recipe

Okay, I have decided to let my little secret out of the bag. I've had a couple people ask me what I do to make my spaghetti sauce so delicious. Well, I have decided to share. I also have a KILLER manicotti recipe, but that I won't be sharing, I just thought I would tease you a little bit! ha ha

Here you go: Remember to put love into your spaghetti sauce because if you don't, then it won't come out very good! :P

Snort's Spaghetti Sauce
1 lb of hamburger (cooked)
1/2 onion chopped finely
1 16 oz can of tomato sauce
(If Needed) - 2 small cans of tomato sauce
2 spaghetti sauce packets (powder)
1 can of diced tomatoes, Italian style
1 jalapeno
1/2 green pepper
1 tbsp of cream cheese
1-2 tsp of garlic chopped fresh
1 tbsp of Italian season
Additional Add In's: mushrooms, onions, sausage, fresh tomatoes

If you don't like meat, you can not put the meat in, but since I am a carnivore I like to put meat in! ha ha

Here is what you do:
Start your finely chopped onion in a little bit of EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) and start sauteing them. Once they are a little transparent, put your meat in the pan and start cooking until well done.

While cooking the meat, combine the other ingredients into a big pot or a crock pot. Depending on how long you want to cook the sauce will help you determine what to use. I like to cook this recipe for about 8 hours to put it at it's best.

Combine the tomato sauce, the diced tomatoes and the sauce packets. The best way to make sure the sauce packet dissolves is to put it in some extremely hot water and mix before adding it to the sauce. You can use one or two packets, but I usually use two. Add the chopped garlic, chop up the jalapeno, chop of the green pepper and add them to the sauce. If you want more flavoring, you can add a little bit of Italian seasoning to the mixture of well.

Bring to a boil and add the cream cheese and the meat. Turn the heat down to a low simmer and let cook. Make sure to stir the sauce throughout the day. If it's not as think as you like, you can do a little corn starch into the mix to help thicken it. Make sure to mix the corn starch with hot water first so you don't have little white floaters in your sauce.

Once done, top it over fresh spaghetti noodles and serve!! If you use this recipe please let me know how it turns out!!

Bonn Appetite!