Sad News

Well I have some sad news. I lost baby #3 this past month. :(

I know many didn't know I was pregnant but I didn't want to tell too many people due to the fact that I wanted to make sure that I was okay and the baby was okay. This was largely due to the fact that when I was 8 1/2 weeks pregnant with Colt I had a threatened miscarriage but he held on like the trooper he is and he will be turning 2 at the end of this month.

Well now that the cat is out of the bag I can speak about this. I have had a hard time dealing with this news just because I have had two healthy pregnancies in the past and to get the phone call "you are going to miscarry" is not something any mom wants to hear.

I found out on July 26 that I was expecting our third baby and went through a WIDE range of emotions. I was not happy - happy - sad - ecstatic - mad - you name it I was it. I was primarily scared because I didn't know what to think. Can I deal with 3 kids when Jeff is gone half the time? Can I do this with him here? What is God's plan for me? The best part of it all though was - I WAS DUE ON JEFF'S BIRTHDAY! April 6!

I arranged my 8 week appointment and got excited.

I had a little spot bleeding at about 5 1/2 weeks and I took that as a sign that I had implantation bleeding because I didn't have it with either of my boys. Then the day before my appointment on August 27 I had some brown bleeding and was a little worried. Jeff told me not to worry and we would find out at the doctor.

Well since we moved to Helper I decided instead of driving two hours to see my regular doctor I would find one in town so I could just travel. I was excited to go because the very first ultrasound is my favorite of them all. How can it not be (well besides the 20 week ultrasound). But we got to the doctor and everything seemed fine and then he sent me to the hospital for the ultrasound instead of doing it in house. (RED FLAG) They weren't even going to do it that day either but we forced them too and we headed over. The ultrasound tech kept asking if I was correct on my LMP and I was like "um ya"! and we moved on. The docs office then called me later that day and said to go in for a second ultrasound the following week because I was measuring at 6 weeks and they wanted to see if the heartbeat would show up the following week.

Well the following week I went back (by myself) to the ultrasound and the same thing happened. The tech asked me if I was "for sure" on my LMP date and I said yes and then said the baby is just measuring 6 weeks. She then sent me home not knowing anything and said "your doctor will call". I called Jeff crying because I knew something was wrong and it pissed him off.

I went to pick up my boys at my aunts and talked to her for a bit and then on my way home I finally got a call from the doctor (shocking!). He said Jeff had contacted him and that's the "reason" he was calling me. He was actually going to have his nurse do it instead of manning up and calling me himself.

He basically told me "you are going to miscarry and we want to see you back in about a week after it happens". I'm thinking "okay so when is it supposed to happen I'm about ready to go on vacation". Well he said in the next week or so and I was like "ok".

I then just hung up because he wanted to go into the schpeel about how it's not my fault etc... Ya I don't want to hear him talk anymore. So I called Jeff and he told me how he had called because he was so upset that the doc didn't talk to me and he was ready to just come home. I contacted my parents after talking to Jeff and told them and talked to my best friend. I just had a feeling this was going to happen for some reason.

Well I decided to go to the store with the boys to try to take my mind off things and next thing I know Jeff calls me and tells me he is home. He left work and took "family leave" for a day to be with me so I didn't have to be sad alone since he had gone back to work. He even brought me Cafe Rio. We both went over everything and decided instead of using the pills to rid my body of the baby or doing a D&C I was just going to let things take it's course. Plus once things happen I was going to drive two hours to go back to see Dr. Hansen.

Well frankly I had a little brown bleeding throughout our vacation but nothing really until after we got back. In fact the red bleeding started on my birthday. I was basically alone and miscarrying on my birthday so it wasn't the most pleasant.

I believe the baby came out on September 15 but I wasn't sure because I was still bleeding. I have been ever since then. I won't spare details because it hasn't been fun but I went to my doctor last week and had an ultrasound done and the sac the baby was in is still in my uterus but the baby is gone. So now if it doesn't leave on it's own before October 23 I will need to go in for a D&C to clean everything out so I can be normal again. When I told Dr. Hansen about my situation with the doctor here in Price he wasn't too happy. In fact it pissed him off and I knew it would. He is going to get me better next week and then Jeff and I will probably actually "try" for a 3rd baby. I know it sounds crazy but I really want to try for a girl and after finally getting excited about the 3rd baby I know in my heart it's the thing we should do. Jeff even said "let's get you healthy and try again". Who says that? My  husband does and I couldn't have asked for a better guy in my life.

So instead of being 15 weeks pregnant today I am almost back to being 0 weeks pregnant. Once the sac is removed I think it will be a little bit easier. I have handled it well but there are days I still cry. When my doctor told me that every 1 in 6 women have miscarriages it helped me a lot - but why did I have to be one of them? I had two healthy pregnancies before - why now?

I can tell you that if we are blessed to have another baby I will be over the moon - boy or girl - that baby will be a miracle and extremely loved. If we aren't blessed with another baby I have two healthy boys who are my everything and I can't be happier. Either way I am already blessed and that's the best place to be.

Oakland Trip

WARNING - VERY LONG!

Alright - so it has seriously been 4 years since Jeff and I have been able to take a vacation alone together. Probably because we have had two kids and a marriage and no time in the past 4 years. Better late than never - right?!

Well this year we decided that there was no way we weren't going to miss our trip to Oakland for Monday Night Football!

On top of wanting to attend the Raiders/Chargers game for Monday Night Football we also signed up to do our first ever Raider Mecca Event. This event has been held for 15 years and we have wanted to do it and this year we sucked it up and just paid for the event.

I want to first thank my parents for watching the boys for us while we went and Jeff's Uncle Mike for taking care of the dogs for us. We wouldn't have been able to go had we not had these wonderful people to help.

Our Trip in a nutshell :D

• Flew to Oakland late because Jeff had to work.
• Got to Oakland and to our hotel and it was ghetto! Different from the nice Holiday Inn Express we stayed in last time. Just tried to save money this time around.
• Woke up the next morning and saw Raider fans driving in and realized that we weren't in a bad spot at all and the ghetto hotel was pretty decent (and close to EVERYTHING!)
• Went and got breakfast at the best Denny's I have ever eaten at.
• Came back and checked in for the RaiderMecca event.
• Decided to go over to the Raider Image and ended up getting Super Bowl Champ Cliff Branch's autograph and Greg Townsend's (one of Jeff's favs)!
• Had our card declined for a second time at Wal-Mart. Thank god for two different checking accounts.
• Went back to the hotel to contact our bank and rip them a new one because our card kept getting declined.
• Ordered room service! YUMMY sandwiches!!!
• Got dressed and went to our first Mecca Event - a special Legends Party at the Eastside Club at the O.Co Coliseum. Met so many Super Bowl Champs and Hall of Famers! Didn't win anything but had a great time and met some new friends and saw some old friends.
• As we were getting ready to leave our bank called and fixed our card - WE HAVE MONEY TO USE!! I guess since Cali is big on theft they had a protection on our card. Guess we should have called first! haha
• Next morning we trekked back over to Denny's and had an enjoyable breakfast. Seriously best Denny's ever!!
• We then walked back towards the hotel to catch the Mecca Bus. We got surprised with a trip to Al Davis' final resting place and it was just so surreal to be there. Talk about a nice surprise. For those of you who don't know who Al Davis is - he is the pioneer of Raider Football. Coach/Owner/Everything! He is a very influential man - especially in Jeff's life.
• After that we went over to the Raider Image and met some rookie players - especially former Utah Man - TONY BERGSTROM! Great guy! Also met Rod Streater! One of my favs!
• After spending an hour or so there and shopping (again) we were taken to the Oakland Raider Headquarters and given a tour. We got to tour everything. Jeff had the biggest grin on his face the entire time.
• After the headquarters tour we got back to the hotel and was so tired we just went to the BBQ that was for the Mecca group and went and sat at the lounge in the hotel. We were going to go party it up at Ricky's but we were so tired it was just nice to eat - drink and sit and watch Sunday Night Football.
• The next day (Monday) we went to eat yet again at Denny's! haha And then headed over to finish up our shopping at Raider Image. We were over there for a few hours because we wanted to get autographs from more Raider Legends! Jeff was able to get his helmet signed and it was just a neat experience.
• After we got back to our hotel (after shopping and spending WAY TOO much) we got ready for the game and walked over. The coliseum was only a mile from our hotel so we just walked with everyone instead of taking a taxi and fighting the gazillion cars.
• We tailgated for a little bit - ate some food and then headed in and found our seats - IN THE BLACK HOLE!! We were only up 4 rows and it was awesome! We were so close you could see sweat on the players.
• Then the game started.
• It was great then got worse.
• I bought a cute new jacket because I was cold at halftime. That was about as much excitement as there was during the game.
• We stayed the whole game (shockingly) and the Raiders lost.
• We ended up grabbing food at Burger King on our way back and passed out.
• Next morning I thought we were going to miss our flights (because the taxi took forever and we called 2 of them). Got in line at the long security and noticed we were okay on time so we went and grabbed breakfast (we had the best pigs in a blanket ever! haha) and Jeff enjoyed a nice red beer.
• We hated getting home because we still had 2 hours to drive but OMG did we have a great time and we missed the boys.
• We can't wait to go back next year!

RAIDER NATION!

Cliff Branch

Greg Townsend

Jeff Barnes

Lester Hayes

Al Davis

Cheerleaders!

Headquarters

Practice Field at headquarters

Superbowl Trophies!

Ted Hendricks

Lots to Catch Up On!!!

Okay I promised like forever ago that I would update this darn thing and I'm just getting around to it - sorry! :D But better late than never - right??!!

Lots has happened since February when I last blogged.

First off - we don't live in the Salt Lake Valley anymore. We moved back to good ol' Carbon County and live in a home in Helper. Jeff's dad passed away in March of last year and he left us his house. While we wouldn't wish getting a house this way (we miss Mike more than words could ever say) - we are very lucky. We decided that paying $1200 a month for a tiny 3 bedroom apartment wasn't worth it anymore so we packed up and moved down. Jeff is still working for the HollyFrontier Refinery in Woods Cross and commutes back and forth on his days off. He is home for 4 days and works for 4 days (unless he is doing a turnaround then he works for a month straight). He is currently renting a room in Bountiful and comes home whenever he can. I miss him dearly but for me to be able to stay home with our boys we need to do this.  So here we are - back to where our roots are. Well most of our roots - not all of them! haha

In April Jeff celebrated his 34th Birthday and the boys colored eggs for the first time for Easter! That was interesting and fun at the same time. We also had Colt's 18 month checkup and he is in the high 90s for height and weight. He is my solid solid boy. Cash is my lean and mean boy! Also in April my best friend had her baby girl and named her Addison Aja Johnson. She is precious and I hate that I don't get to see her very often but that's what we get for living 2 hours away! haha We also celebrated 6 years together in April and I feel more blessed each and every year.

In May not much went on. I was able to celebrate Mother's Day with my boys - all 3 of them until Jeff had to go to work. Then on Memorial Day weekend we went and took flowers up to Mike's grave and Jeff's grandparents. The boys were able to go with us and we walked around the Helper Cemetery for a bit and looked at everything. They had a spot dedicating veterans and it was nice to see they had a cross and a flag up for Mike - he was a Navy Veteran.

June came and went fast! We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary and although we didn't do anything it was nice to know that Jeff still loves me after all these years!! Don't know what I would do without that man sometimes. He completes me. On Father's Day I went to Manti to see my mom and dad and left the boys with them for a few days. Let me tell you how nice it was to have 2 days to myself!!!! I was in heaven! We also had some big fires going on in Utah and the one closest to us - the Seely Fire happened to ruin our camping trip but oh well what do you do. We will make it up sometime!

As for July not much has happened yet and it's almost over! haha The boys continuously keep me on my toes and are getting bigger by the day. They drive me nuts but I love them! Wouldn't trade them for the world!!!

I had something happen to me in August and finished in September but I will post about that another time. It's still a little raw in my life and I'm still trying to move past it. I will also write about our trip to Oakland that we took right before my birthday in another post as well.

One big thing that has happened though over the past few months is that my brother has been in jail since March. He and my cousin made a bad mistake and are currently serving time for stealing horse saddles and tackles in Heber City. They were sentenced in June and will probably be out by the end of September - December at the latest. My brother hit a low point in his life and turned to drugs instead of turning to family. Drugs are not good and he chose the one that really messes with you. Even though I would have liked to see him released in June the judge wants to make sure he is completely sober and drug free. We did find out that he will be out on October 14th and when he gets done he will be living with my parents for awhile. He needs to get out of Heber and the demons that he has there. Hopefully Manti will be a good new start for him.

Well I have a couple other posts to write so this is us in a nutshell. Hopefully this gets read. If not - then no feelings hurt on my end.

Keep Smilin!

Okay I am so so sorry I haven't updated this in awhile. I promise to get caught up as we have had a lot that has been going on.

I will work on this blog either tonight or tomorrow night once the boys have gone down for the evening!!!

I promise to get you guys caught up in our crazy life!!!

One Month Late - but better late then never!

So I am so behind I'm my blogging I think it's because I forget to blog. We have a lot going on here and I promise I will get better. But a month ago I went and had Colt's 15 month check up and he is doing awesome!

He is weighing in at 29 pounds and is in the 92% for weight. He is at 33 inches long and is in the 93% for height :D His head has finally evened out in growth as it was a super growth human head. I think it's because he has the Gressmen head - it's big! I was so happy to see where is at and the doctor was happy with my linebacker.

Colt has turned into the best little boy and we are so happy he is in our family. He is talking so much and is up to about 20-25 words depending on the day. He has the curliest hair and a smile that will light up a room. His giggle makes my heart melt and he loves his daddy more than anything. He loves to play with his brother and loves the dogs.

Also I will have to post it later but we found a picture of Jeff when he was around Colt's age and he and Colt could be identical twins!!! They look so much alike - minus Colt having blue eyes! haha

We love our little fooschinator!

Questions about me and my manly man....

Saw this on a friends blog and thought it was cute so I wanted to post it so you guys knew a little bit more about me and my best friend - Jefferey Michael Hawkins!

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

Since April 2006

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

Well we have known each other since Junior High and High School but really didn't have much to do with each other. I had moved down to Salt Lake in 2006 and was searching on MySpace and came across Jeff's profile on a mutual friends' page and I emailed him. I about died when I realized it was him because I had a huge crush on him in high school. I ended up getting an email the next day and we started to talk. We talked for about two weeks and then agreed to meet up. The day I was supposed to meet him our internet went down and I couldn't get a hold of him. He made some other plans and went to dinner with some friends. I finally got on email and heard from him and we agreed to meet up for drinks. (Plus I had spent half the day getting ready and didn't want to waste the preparation haha). I met him at Iggy's in Fort Union and he was waiting for me outside. As soon as I saw him smile I knew I was in trouble. We had a couple drinks and talked for over 2 hours. I hugged him goodbye and we have been together ever since!  *Note that he almost was going to cancel but his friend Frank said this "what if this is your future wife? So he came*

3. If married, how long have you been married?

We have been married since June 6 2009

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?

We got married at a beautiful park in Sandy. It was up against the mountain and it was the backdrop of our wedding. It wasn't too big of a wedding we had a super quick ceremony - pictures - and a reception. It was under 100 people.

5. Do you have any nicknames that you call one another?

We have a lot of nicknames. He calls me his little Foosch a lot and I call him hun but we seriously have a ton of names.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

1. I love that he makes me feel like I'm worth something. I had a hard time finding a guy that wasn't intimidated by me and Jeff just makes me feel like I deserve to be loved.
2. I love that even though he didn't think he wanted kids - he is such a good dad. Our boys are obsessed with their dad and he is so good with them. It makes my heart melt when he is doing stuff with them.
3. I love that he makes me want to be a better person. He has really made an impact on my life and I would be completely lost without him.

7. Tell us how he proposed? Or your ideal proposal?

Well I found out that he was going to propose to me in Oakland at the Raiders game when we went but he didn't want to get caught with the ring through the airport. So on the day before my birthday I had gotten home from work and he went outside to get the present I had saw that was left. He came in - tossed me the present and I was in the kitchen. When I went to walk out he was down on one knee and asked me to marry him. This was on my 30th birthday. It seriously was the best birthday present I have ever received!!!

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

He is a flowers guy and a surprise gift guy. He doesn't need an occasion to get me something though he does it all the time randomly to surprise me.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

Oh definitely a movie and relaxation kind of girl. But dinner on a beach sounds so romantic to me I would love to do that one day. Maybe when he takes me to Hawaii. :D

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

I can't wait til we can take a trip alone without kids! I have always wanted to go to Hawaii and he has promised me we will go in the future.

11. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love. 

Don't sweat the small stuff. When you fight just get over it as soon as you can and don't continue the argument. Half the time it was over something stupid anyways. Always communicate even if it's about something little. Always keep the lines of communication open and learn to be on the same page. It surprises me how much Jeff and I are on the same page. We always are thinking the same thing at the same time and we both have the same ideas when it comes to raising our kids - etc....

12.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.

I will hold on to him forever!

R.I.P Whitney

Alright, I usually don't post about actors or singers or athletes passing, but I have to post about this one. Whitney Houston died yesterday and I'm pretty much sad about it. I loved her music and The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies. I almost started crying when I heard that she had passed away and it breaks my heart because so many people get in trouble with drugs. From what I hear she was cleaning herself up, but I am guessing she maybe could have relapsed.

When I was younger, if I was in a bad mood all someone had to do was play "I wanna dance with somebody" and it instantly put me in a good mood. It still puts me in a good mood to this day. Another one of my fav's is "Run to You". I can't sin worth a dang, but I still can belt out this song.

So to pay tribute to a true Diva, I would like to add this song and hope that all of you (well the 1 or 2 of you who actually read this) enjoy it!

Hopefully she is dancing and happy where she is now...